Though he announced it back in November 2007, people began to realize that Bryan Cutler was running for re-election in the 100th District. Cutler pledged a clean campaign, and urged his opponent in the GOP primary, some Nobody, to do the sameIn national news, Hillary broke down and cried in a press conference. And this was MONTHS before learning that Sarah Palin would be on a presidential ticket, and not her The New England Patriots became the first team in history to force the 1972 Miami Dolphins to admit that someone, indeed, was in the neighborhood and prepared to steal their champagne.February

Campaigning in New Hampshire, Hillary broke down and cried upon hearing that the New England Patriots lost the Super Bowl, ruining their perfect season. Fans of the New York Giants, who won, were not amused by the reaction of the junior senator from New York The Writer's Guild strike stretched on, depriving fans the opportunity to see their favorite celebs drunk at the Golden Globes An incredulous Cutler admonishes Nobody for failing to disclose finances, and making a mockery of the campaign Michael Phelps kicks off an amazing year by winning the Daytona 500 backstroke.


As Obama racks up state after state in primary wins, Hillary decides to build up her foreign policy credentials be reminding everyone of her involvement in the Nuremburg Trials, her service as a swift boat captain, and signer of the Treaty of Ghent The writer's strike ends, the Oscars go on without a hitch, and George W. Bush once again becomes great fodder for late night talk shows whose writers have returned to work.


Frustrated because Nobody can be found to debate, Bryan Cutler decides to debate himself. The winner of the debate was unclear The pregnant "man" dominates a few news cycles until everyone realizes that there was no medical miracle going on, just a person with the correct body parts to carry a baby, but who calls himself a man While Obama bowls a score that would be excellent for golf, Hillary kicks back shots and beers, laughs at Obama and wins the PA Primary Cutler ekes out a win in the primary, edging out Nobody. Cutler praised Nobody for running a valiant campaign.


Big Brown, ridden by none other than Michael Phelps, wins the Kentucky Derby. Immature adolescents like myself chuckle about the name Big Brown and make poop jokes Bryan Cutler, seeing the name Write N. Candidate on the ballot for the general election, begins to campaign in earnest, and announces plans to run in New Hampshire California legalizes gay marriage, and everything is simply fabulous in the Golden State Michael Phelps gears up for the summer by winning the Indy 500 butterfly.


Despite being out of the race since, oh, about February, Hillary finally concedes, recalling wistfully her time spent tending to the poor in Calcutta Cutler, finally realizing he's not on the ballot in New Hampshire, returns to PA and promises to avoid any negative campaigning against Write N. Candidate, saying "Mr. Candidate's service to his country and the Commonwealth is unparralelled" Musser's makes my day by putting my beloved Middleswarth BBQ potato chips on the shelves. And there was much rejoicing.

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